So I started out today with grandiose plans of heading to a casino in Slovenia tonight. Unfortunately I forgot that starting at noon, I have the dreaded “on-call” phone. With issues we’ve been having lately around here, if I don’t have service or miss a call my boss would end me. Not admonish, not reprimand, just end. I would cease to exist. *poof* So out of respect for my own safety and, of course, for the good of Aviano Air Base, I’ve decided to make it a quiet night. So here I am, 1835, pjs on, making pesto rotini (yes it DOES sound delicious, thank you), MST3K in the background and updating my blog.
That being said I realize I haven’t updated in a looong time. I do actually have a number of trips I want to write about but wanted to start with the most recent and go back a little further to explain why I needed to take some time off. I’ve been assigned this120 case with ancillary other charges since I came back from my deployment almost a year ago. For those of you that don’t know, Article 120 is all manner of sex assaults codified in the MCM. These typically go to general court martial and are absurdly difficult to prove beyond a reasonable doubt. This was a particularly complex one and I’ve absolutely lost count of all the ways this thing was delayed. At the beginning of March the trial team, judge, and defense counsel flew from Italy to Charleston AFB to do a deposition of a key witness. Unlike in the civilian world, depositions in the military are exceedingly rare and there are very few ways they are admissible in court over the defense’s objection. This is basically because most witnesses are military members and can be ordered to testify wherever and whenever necessary. I won’t into detail as to why this particular deposition was necessary, just trust that it was and I had to do a quick turn and burn (three days) in Charleston to film this witness’s testimony.
Due to the trans-continental nature of this venture I was jet lagged the entire time only to hop on a plane three days later, lose a day in flight, and land on a Sunday to 24 hour operations on base. Gee thanks Libya… I wasn’t paying super close attention to the news so it did come as somewhat of a surprise when I called to check in with my SJA and was informed 1) Congrats on the deposition and 2) be prepared at a moments notice to go brief incoming operators.
This is one of the F-15s typically at Lakenheath but visiting Aviano for the foreseeable future.
So I went into the office, checked my email, and the other captains were kind enough to let me go home and cover the briefings while I slept a little Sunday. Monday it was back to business as usual, only I had a general court martial scheduled the next week, motions hearings in two days that would completely shape the court, and oh yeah, we were launching aircraft left and right to fight an air war in support of a NATO resolution…thanks again Libya. Monday was my longest day, 15 hours, but it didn’t compare to some of my friends in other jobs that were working non-stop. Motions hearings happened Thursday. Basically in order to use the deposition at trial I had to argue that the witness we deposed (a mere week before) was “unavailable” under the law such that she couldn’t testify at trial. No small feat but my senior trial counsel (STC) found this great case I used. If you don’t know, STCs and SDCs (defense side) are like the roving Yodas of the judiciary. Their entire job is to travel in a circuit and either prosecute or defend complex cases with junior counsel at base legal offices. I was absolutely giddy when my young JAG ears learned this position existed. You basically just travel around from case to case prosecuting “bad guys.” I’ve since learned its not so glamorous as it was originally in my mind. You’re constantly away from your family (if you have one that is), if you do a good job and get a conviction you’re congratulated as just doing your job, and if you lose then its your fault because you’re the one with all the experience. I don’t care…I’d still take it. =P Anyway, I argued my motion brilliantly and the judge promptly pointed out every distinguishing factor and denied it. This meant two things 1) we couldn’t use the deposition at trial over defense’s objection (and of course they were going to object) and 2) this case was going nowhere unless we uprooted everyone and moved it to Charleston…which is what we ended up doing. I flew out 48 hours later. This took an obscene amount of coordination and I’m grateful for the awesome paralegals that fought to get witness funding, travel arrangements, lodging arrangements, and basically moved all the logistical pieces and people while STC and I worked with our expert to prepare for trial. The end result was a conviction, confinement, and a dishonorable discharge (the harshest punitive discharge one can receive). I’d finally gotten over my jet lag in Charleston that next Friday and for the first time that week slept through the night…only to fly out Saturday, land Sunday, and go back to work Monday. We were greeted as returning heroes and I was rewarded with an armload of work to finish up since I’d planned leave for Tuesday.
THE LEAVE
Since my arrival in Italy, I’ve begged, pleaded, and cajoled my friends to come visit me and take advantage of the fact I live in one of the most beautiful and historical places in the world. A handful complied and this past week I was visited by none other than THE Johnny Utah.
Who isn’t jealous of this Gitmo tan?
Upon arrival, I made him hit the ground running. JET LAG IS FOR THE WEAK. We started at La Favole for wine tasting, let him unpack for a solid 5 mins, then toured around the beautiful Sacile, dinner with friends then bar hopping which prompted the deep, meaningful infamous rickshaw debate. Which is better for my future company “Joni Tours” – a fleet of bicycle rickshaws or fleet of foot powered rickshaws? Feel free to vote in the comment section below for which you think would be more beneficial. I, of course, will not influence you one way or another…
The next day we hit up bella Lake Como. Yes this is the same lake in which George Clooney makes his home and portions of some Ocean’s movie were filmed.
It is pretty impossible to describe how beautiful this place is so I’ll just post some pics and hope you’re as in awe as I was. My whole idea behind this portion of the trip was to pretend I’m a baller for a night and just relax in style after an arduous three weeks. Hence the lakeview from the room:
The weather was absolutely perfect and remained so for the entire trip. To me this was just serendipity telling me that nothing I did could be wrong and that someone was smiling down on my vacation and life choices generally. After checking in we went walking/hiking around the town. It was off season so there was virtually no one else around. The town was built into a hill with roads weaving up and around it. You had to not only use your sense of cardinal direction but also had to figure out on what tier which road would empty or connect. The result was a lot of mediocre navigation and hiking but it was too beautiful to matter. The energy expenditure was directly proportional to the awesome public napping available on a grassy area behind a church.
Is this area a Green? Sward? Paddock? Only lawyers would squabble over such semantics
Walking around the area also made me want to plan my vacation home. If I stay in the Air Force it’s a given that I will move every 2 years. At some point I imagine I will want some place to call my own so I’ve decided I want to buy a vacation home somewhere. At first I was content with the thought of just a small cabin by a lake but these homes inspired a whole new set of ideas. The cabin quickly turned into a palatial estate with wrought iron gates, stone lions to guard said gates, gazebos full of stray animals I pick up, and bridges…bridges to more rich stuff like yachts and helicopter pads…oh and no less than three swards and two greens and possibly and obelisk (this was inspired by Rome…see below). How is a mere JAG going to afford such opulence you ask? Well I was going to woo George Clooney but unfortunately he was nowhere to be found. Our back up plan was for Utah to seduce Prime Minister Berlusconi…it almost worked:
http://www.theonion.com/articles/silvio-berlusconi-gets-penis-stuck-in-wine-bottle,19709/
Whatever, it’s a work in progress.
After the hike, nap, hike, we found an absolutely adorable mom and pop store where we bought a nice bottle of wine, some cheese, and strawberries for a pre-dinner cigar session in the garden. They did not sell wine openers but luckily I had one in my car (DON’T JUDGE ME).
I feel like we’re bordering on decadent here
After dinner we went to a local bar and made friends with some of our servers. I also made another friend:
Render unto Cesar
After they kicked us out we really wanted to explore some more and I personally wanted to sit on the beach near the lake and just contemplate life, especially since tourist season hadn’t started and no one was around. It was blocked off…mostly.
Oh gosh…look at this nigh impassible gate…
The next day, the drive back traversed through Verona. Fair Verona? Kind of. Parts of it were definitely fair. Relying on my wits, amazing sense of direction, and GPS that was more of a pain in the ass than an actual help, I finally found parking. Kudos to me for not maiming anyone with my car. Seriously those streets are super narrow and no one seems to care that you’re aiming a car at them. I do give myself a small pat on the back. We stopped by Juliette’s house. Not her real house but a tourist trap Italy made in response to the Shakespearean play. Rumor has it that if you touch the statue’s right breast, you’ll have good luck in your love life. Ridiculous…
…but it couldn’t hurt.
The next day before 0500, we left my house to get to the train to Rome. One four-hour train ride (where I almost strangled a small obnoxious Italian child) later we arrived in Roma! Checked into the hotel room and immediately started exploring! First up – the coliseum, obviously. One recommendation I will note is that if you plan on going to Rome, you need to get a Roma Pass at the train station (or airport). It costs 25 euro, provides free public transportation for three days, gives free access to two monuments/museums such that you don’t have to wait in line for tickets, and provides for discounts at other places. This continued our baller status as we skipped the looong line at the Coliseum and walked right in. Its just absolutely amazing that such a structure was built so long ago and still exists today in such good condition.
It was a little crowded with tourists but we cleared the crowd when we decided to reenact the second fall of Carthage, Russell Crowe style. After the Coliseum we decided to hop across the street to the ruins of ancient Rome. It actually took about an hour to negotiate the different gates/boundaries to get into Palatine Hill and the actual Roman Forum…no wonder it was so hard to conquer Rome. The entry attempts were so tiring another public nap was required on an ancient roman green/sward.
When in Rome…
After the ruins we wandered over to the Pantheon which was incredibly crowded and impassable (more so than the Como beach gate) as Mass was ongoing.
Pantheon box still unchecked the Trevi fountain was next on the list. It was crowded and I was disappointed I didn’t get a better picture. =[ Unknown to me, serendipity would continue to play a role in this trip. Finally we decided to head to dinner and plan the rest of the night. I received some bad intel on which districts to head to so we floundered for a bit before we found a pizza joint. It was a little hole in the wall full of only Italians, which means the food was amazing but non-Italians were not quite welcome. We were obviously tourists and thus treated with mild derision by the staff but not so much so that they wouldn’t serve us. And the pizza was awesome!
From there we had to break out the iPhone to find a place for after dinner drinks. The result was the most AMAZING cocktail bar. The ingredients were all made in house, the bartender loved her job and loved serving us, the drinks were delicious, and the music was fun. It was the first Manhattan I’ve had in Italy that was not only palatable but something Don Draper could get emotional over.
Isn’t that right Don?
Well amazing cocktail bar closed at 0200 and unfortunately we’d just been served new drinks. Awesome bartender’s response was to give us to-go cups and shoo us out the door. I’m not completely confident to-go cups are legit in Rome but we met no resistance. Upon leaving the bar Utah became once again nostalgic for ancient Rome and gushed over the fact we were drinking in front of columns!
COLUMNS!
On the way to find a cab we were wandering through cobblestone streets, alley-ways and piazzas and stumbled upon the Trevi Fountain at night. It was so amazing! No one else there. Another perfect photo op delivered to me!
Finally we were forced to call it a night because, lets face it, at some point it becomes day again. Slept in. And decided to visit the Vatican. The Vatican does not take Roma Pass in any form just FYI. We wandered into St. Peter’s Square, which was absolutely massive. Fountains, an obelisk (like most of Rome) and the sheer quantity of this place is breathtaking. I read Angles and Demons and my brain tried to conjure how Dan Brown described the place. I’m actually glad I couldn’t remember his formulaic inanity and just experienced the place for myself.
After the square, head towards the basilica. Now, I realize I’ve become a super travel snob in Europe. You see one church, you’ve seen them all. Architecturally it all becomes kind of meh after a while. This was not the case with St. Peter’s Basilica. It was beyond intricate, beyond lavish, it was just sheer extravagance. Marble everywhere, statues everywhere, cleverly placed windows streaming perfect beams of light. You can’t really tour the place so much as meander about in awe. Unfortunately we meandered too long and it cut into our Vatican Museum/Sistine Chapel time. Now, most tour guides tell you, you should take 3-5 hours in the Vatican Museum. We had to do it in an hour and a half. Did we miss some things? Sure. Did we hit the most amazing highlights? Yes. The Sistine Chapel honestly took my breath away. We sat on a bench on the side of the wall and just looked up for a good 15 minutes. Before you go, research exactly what you’re looking at. You should understand each panel and piece because there’s just so much going on you’ll miss out if you don’t.
After Vatican absolution we rinsed and repeated the night life. Revisited the amazing cocktail bar with the amazing bartender and gushed over more columns before hopping in a cab.
We didn’t have a solid plan for the next day so we decided to check out some out of the way monuments. Exhausted after two days of amazing cocktail experience, I was sort of underwhelmed by the Spanish steps. I tried to find some meaning in them other than…oh this is kind of neat. Honestly they’re like the Kim Kardashian of Roman monuments…famous but no one really knows why.
I started picking up souvenirs for people in the office. Most everyone got a statuette of some monument. However, I bought some of the captains small stress ball squishy pigs that are filled with some kind of liquid. You throw them and they flatten completely out then just reform in seconds. I thought this was just hilarious and wonderful so I bought four. Unfortunately they turned out to be mildly toxic and mostly flammable. After about 5 hours of use they start to either leak the liquid, which smells like gasoline or if you give it a good throw it will just explode. Whatever, it’s the thought that counts. No one got seriously hurt.
Once we had our share of souvenirs, we went back to the hotel, grabbed our bags, and hopped a train back to Sacile (without screaming children thank god). The train stopped at the Sacile station at 2230 and we had one last day to recover before it was back to reality. Utah and I said our tearful goodbyes and promised to re-hash our trip over bud heavies and mozz sticks at Applebees when we move to Texas. While the whirlwind trip wasn’t exactly relaxing, it was definitely a lot of fun and in the end that’s all that really matters.
